cloudy with a chance of tears. . .

sleep deprivation is eating me up. i feel like i'm at rock bottom. i'm consumed by it. wondering how much longer i'll have to exist in this fog. i've been here before. i know it will end. but right now it feels so thick and heavy. it's a struggle to get through each day, let alone endure another long night. i'm in a daze. unmotivated. i can barely communicate. my memory is shot. so is my patience. i just want to crawl under a rock and wait for this whole phase to blow over. except that i can't. my family needs me. there are things to do. the world keeps knocking.

: :

{such a tedious topic, with no simple solution. but a couple of years from now, 

when i start pining for another baby, i'll need this little reminder of how things really were}

the importance of being oscar. . .

hey you. with the crazy hair. with the dancing blue eyes. with the two tooth grin. you kind of turned our world upside down when you arrived seven months ago. you've well and truly cemented a place in our family. in our hearts. we all adore you. your sister makes you laugh with her mad dance moves. your brother builds block towers for your demolition pleasure. you like to eat paper. and sometimes dead blowflies. today you had three sausage rolls for morning tea. you're too busy moving to bother much with sitting. you want in on the action. you'll move great distances at great speed to get what you want. most days you have three dreadlocks in the back of your hair. you're generous with the smiles. easy with the laughs. especially if your neck is being nibbled. not much a fan of sleeping {that's fairly standard around here}. you're a little like your sister. a little like your brother. 

and a whole lot like you. 

: :

{earlier this year, when i was about eight months pregnant, we went to see a production of oscar wilde's 'the importance of being earnest'. from that event, came this guys name.} 

snapshot | 2 months . . .

gummy smiles. coos and goos. cat naps. sweaty head. thigh rolls. regular squawking. projectile vomiting. outdoor loving. early rolling. monkey beanie wearing. classical music preferring. nappy filling. hand sucking. car hating. water enjoying. hair spiking. baby wearing. sibling adoring. constant feeding. this is oscar @ 2 months. 

: :

 

the first week | babymooning . . .

inspecting tiny fingers and toes. a button nose. rarely venturing far from my bed {there's some healing to be done.} eating meals on a tray. i read. i knit. i sleep. mostly i gaze at my new baby. inhale that heavenly smell. friends drop by with flowers from their garden. a pot of soup. some freshly baked bread. the blind is open slightly. the light is soft. sam works in the garden. two little helpers in tow. they pop in from time to time. kisses for their new brother. a prod and a poke. a cuddle with mum. moments of chaos. moments of calm. there are phone calls and messages. a fridge full of nourishing meals. we shed a few tears. happy and sad. finding our way. a family of five. getting to know our new baby. falling in love.

introducing oscar . . .

oscar napier

born 16th may 2013

at 6:10am

9lb 10oz ~ 4.365kgs

: :

after a long wait, our gorgeous boy made a smooth and swift entrance into the world early on thursday morning.

he is divine. my heart feels full. 

oscar took his first breath just before sunrise and that night my grandfather took his last. 

birth and death. the circle of life. 

there's something you might like to know . . .

 we're having a baby!

an autumn baby. a little taurus. 

20 weeks down. 20 to go. 

: :

{I'm getting girl vibes this time}

one. . .

while we were away

my winter baby

celebrated a tropical

first birthday

: :

happy birthday my darling sweet boy

we love you very much

xo

gift...

my beloved gave me the sweetest gift of all last night.

sleep.

with head and heart full of mother's guilt,

i retreated to the far end of the house.

left my boys to work it out on their own.

with daddy's twinkle twinkle little star

in place of mummy's boob,

they survived just fine.

with not too much fuss at all, really.

{naturally the three year old

found her way into my bed,

and i spent a good part of the night

listening out for my baby}

but today i caught the slightest glimpse of me.

like the fog had lifted, ever so slightly.

and guess what?

there's talk of doing it again tonight.

: :

moments. . .

there are moments of frustration

and moments of destruction.

where he bulldozes her block towers

and eats the contents of her dolls house.

then there are the sweet moments

where they're in their own little world

laughing together endlessly.

these moments make my heart melt.

: :

cuddles. . .

he's nine months old now

he's been out as long as he was in

: :

an afternoon in the veggie patch. . .

the pumpkins are taking over

tomatoes are {finally} abundant

so many different shapes, colours and sizes

she was happy sorting and arranging

he was happy in the dirt

: :

i didn't have much hope

when i scattered the seeds

high on the hill

exposed to the winds

gravelly soil

expectations

well and truly exceeded

: :

cute attack...

Neutral expression

Mouth closed
Looking straight at camera

...we got there eventually.

: :

loving. . .

after lunch sleeps with my little people. the crispness of hemp sheets. the calm of our steiner playgroup. a husband who brings me tea in bed. that berries grow wild at the end of our driveway. being engrossed in a good book sent by my dad. wintry days in the summertime. blissful bowen. the personality i see emerging in my baby boy. picking stone fruit from the garden. playing hairdressers with my girl. jam and cream on anything.

: :

eight months. . .

{please excuse me

while i do some record keeping}

two teeth *

pulling up

climbing

crawling **

waving

emptying cupbards

laughing at his sister

eating more than his sister

chasing the dog

mum mumming

bub bubbing

* just checked, make that 3

** mostly launch and body slam style

today. . .

we took a drive

grabbed a coffee and cake

picked up our house plans

fossicked in the secondhand mart

and stopped for raspberries on the way home

: :

{the boy's all night feed-fests

are catching up with me.

more than ever i need this space

to help me focus on the positive}

seven months. . .

little captain sweaty head

he likes to sleep in his mummy's bed

: :

his story...

i read a lot of birth stories

in the lead up to elliot's birth

tales of courage and strength

beauty and triumph

today you can read

elliot's own story

over at the ever inspiring

marvelous kiddo

: :

this is his favourite place to sleep

on me, head nestled between my {his} boobs

everybody needs a bosom for a pillow

food...

...not even 6 months old

and i swear

he'd eat a steak

given half a chance

: :

swim ...

he's 5 months old today

we took him for a swim

this morning

and he loved it ~

my little water baby

: :

mellow ello. . .

he's 4 months old now

my roly poly drooly talky

raspberry blowing boy

love him to bits,

this happy little guy

: :