Wednesday, March 5, 2014

cloudy with a chance of tears. . .


sleep deprivation is eating me up. i feel like i'm at rock bottom. i'm consumed by it. wondering how much longer i'll have to exist in this fog. i've been here before. i know it will end. but right now it feels so thick and heavy. it's a struggle to get through each day, let alone endure another long night. i'm in a daze. unmotivated. i can barely communicate. my memory is shot. so is my patience. i just want to crawl under a rock and wait for this whole phase to blow over. except that i can't. my family needs me. there are things to do. the world keeps knocking.

: :

{such a tedious topic, with no simple solution. but a couple of years from now, 
when i start pining for another baby, i'll need this little reminder of how things really were}

34 comments:

  1. I wish I had something really profound to say Rachel but I don't. Just that all of these phases pass. Although it really is a short term fix, a walk in the fresh air/bush/beach/paddock/garden always make me feel better in those low times. Take care x

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    1. You're right Jane. Nature and exercise is a pretty effective combo!

      rachel x

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  2. Hey Rachel,
    I don't think that I've commented on your post before. I was only talking about this state of motherhood with a friend yesterday. My boy turns four this month, and it both seems like yesterday and years ago that I felt completely overwhelmed and exhausted by the whole thing. Fresh air, exercise, a shower and leaving the house without tost stuck to your head are great remedies. Chin up buttercup
    Leanne xx

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    1. Thanks Leanne. All those things definitely help. Lovely to hear from you. x

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  3. I think we need to get to the beach this week and I can hold your little one while you swim it all away. We are in the land of the permanently jet lagged right now but salt water always helps. xx

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  4. You are writing my life at the moment Rachel! With four children 11, 8, 2 and 6 months I can't remember the last decent nights sleep. Oh how I miss deep uninterrupted sleep!!. I know that things get better, but at the moment it's just a matter of getting through the day and snatching sleep where you can. A shower and fresh air gets me through too. X

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    1. I miss it too. I used to love 10 solid hours a night!

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  5. I've just come out of that phase, it is amazing what these little ones put our minds and bodies through. And you are right. I does NOT stop you pining for another baby. Keep well xo

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    1. You give me hope Elaina. I think once I'm out of it, i forget how tough it really was. x

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  6. It's all consuming, isn't it.

    The light will appear soon. Until then, know you're not alone x

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  7. Oh. Hang in there Rachel.
    I've been there, done that, bought the tee (as most of us have/are)
    I wish I had some practical advice to offer you...
    I hope the fog clears quickly.
    Thinking of you x

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  8. I I'm just art the same point, 3 kids, young baby at 6 months, he does not sleep, I don't sleep, very tired, impatient, heavy... hope these days are gone soon.

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  9. Oh. So hard. I remember. That's why I had to stop at 2. Now I think I would have liked a third but back then I just couldn't imagine it. Take deep breaths. Get outside. And if people offer help, take it. So hard to do because you just want to show you're coping. But really, take help. You can pay it back (or forward) in due course

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  10. no words of wisdom here. it's tough but it passes. and one day soon it'll fade and you'll barely be able to remember. and then they become teenagers and it starts all over again. biggest love xx

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  11. Hey Rachel, I hear you. While the sleep thing has got better here, the sleep deprivation memories are still fresh... it took becoming a mother for me to understand what they mean about sleep deprivation being torture! Just know you're not alone, it will pass... my fingers are crossed for a change of rhythm very soon for you xxxx

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  12. Oh Rachel, you know I get this so much right now. It's the lack of motivation that I find the most distressing because a million things pile up while I wait for the motivation to strike again, which it always does, eventually :-) Hang in there, sending lots of hugs your way... Mel xxx

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  13. Oh I.feel.your pain xxxx my eldest is 8 soon.and youngest 3 I don't think I've had more than 6 hours straight in.8 yrs. It can be so.bloody tough though as you still have to get up and carry on.I Hope you get some Good sleep soon xxxx

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  14. Oh I remember the fog well. Take care of yourself. Get a break when you can. You are not alone. x

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  15. Oh, lady! Hang in there. Are you able to book in a little sleep in or something on the weekend? Or perhaps that isn't enough to even touch the sides. I hope knowing that we all hear you helps a teeny tiny bit. Kellie xx
    PS You're scaring me. Just a little ...

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  16. Sob! I am right there with you, Rachel. It's positively AWFUL. Here's a piece I wrote for the Parent Exchange that sums it up for me: http://parenting.kidspot.com.au/child-sleep-and-the-parenting-lottery/#.UxflV4ZcySo

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  17. When I am up in the middle of the night I keep saying to myself it is ok there is someone else out there doing the same thing as me! I will think of you now in the middle of the night! Hopefully it gets better for you x

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  18. Oh gee...I wish I could take it away for you, I really do. Be extra kind to yourself and know this will one day be a distant memory xxx

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  19. Oh you took me straight back! Have knowledge that it DOES end, but take comfort that your not alone and with a simple phone call so many of your friends can lighten your load and allow you a sleep.......x

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  20. Crushing tiredness day after day, it's the worst. Love to you x

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  21. oh my, it can't be coincidence that I clicked on your blog this morning. last night was the tiredest I have felt since my third baby was born. she is 6 months old and absolutely gorgeous, but is that age where she doesn't want me out of sight, and wants to be held all the time. I love that it is me she wants, but I too feel like I have hit a wall and desperately need sleep! it always feels better to know someone else knows how you feel. ;)

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  22. Oh Rachel I hear you...big squishy hug to you mama. xx

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  23. i remember you commenting on a similar post earlier this year when i was in this place. the dark place. you told me to do whatever gets me through. to you, the same. rest when a moment comes. tea. fresh air. you are nearly out of the fog. big hugs. so much understanding. i am still awake way more in the darkness than i wish to be but remember now that it [slowly] gets better. xx

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  24. I read this article and scrolled down and saw in Feb your bubba wasn't sleeping much either. Not sure where you live but back in 2009 with my second baby, Tresillion (NSW) saved my bacon when I just couldn't go on staying up most of the night despite a supportive husband. It was my sister who had to tell me that what I was experiencing with the lack of sleep was not normal. I thought I just had to battle on, make it through, that's what mothers do. I remember coming home the first day after 4 nights at Tresillian and crying with relief when my baby slept. So I would say there is normal sleep deprivation and there is also soul deprivation and only you know which it is, but seek help if it's the later. x

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  25. Goodness, look at all the empathy that your sharing brought forth. There is something in the shared experience which makes motherhood, the painful bits, a little lighter, a little less ... bleak. I remember the solace I felt when a dear friend (and awesome Mother) shared her low lights ... made me feel less alone, less odd, less less.

    I first wrote to you some months ago asking about your home town as it seems my family would be moving to that glorious place. Well, we certainly are, by mid year. Hooray. We are so looking forward to making it our home. And heres a laugh for you. Having had our three munchkins (baby just turned 5 last June) and got past that thick, soupy, somewhat muddy fog your'e in, Having smugly clapped ourselves on our parental backs for having survived, along comes Whoops. Mmm hm. Baby four, here they come. My advice for all the mothers who are reading this comment, if you think you're done, don't, not even once (yes, once) forget contraception. Sigh...

    So, whilst appreciating the stomach tugging awfulness of the place you're floundering about in just now, I'm trying valiantly to ignore the all day sickness and leg numbing weariness and hold onto the certainty that comes from lived experience, that it truly does get better. It really does.

    Hoping our paths may cross (I might need you to remind me!). Be gentle on yourself. Accept all offers of help. Ignore the housework.

    In solidarity - Katja

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  26. Oh Rachel, sleep deprivation is such torture :( Everything else becomes so difficult to deal with without the energy and motivation sleep brings. The fog will lift... hang in there lovely xx

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  27. sending kind hugs Rachel. The fog always lifts, and you can see from all the comments, we are all supporting you. Jx

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  28. I just came across your blog and this just touches me to the bottom of my heart! I am still there..younger one just turning 2 1/2 and still wakes up every.single.night. But the fog is slowly lifting, the motivation kicks in and some days the energy to actually bring some of it to frution even shows up too! I am so glad to read this and the following comments...the days where I feel like I am a shadow with a head full of cotton is a normal part of this parenting journey not a one ticket ride to crazy, like it so often feels like!

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i'm rachel. i'm a thirtysomething mother and wife. i'm a maker of things. i'm an op shop trawler. i'm a gardener of sorts. i'm a champion tea drinker and scone baker. loving life on the south coast of western australia.