Thursday, August 29, 2013

holding on and letting go . . .

1. flowers picked from the roadside
2. eyes for his dad
3. sun shining down on our little town
4. more mouths to feed
5. five

: :

sleepless nights roll into busy days. life feels full. the weeks fly by in a blur of nappies and night feeds. lunchboxes and lullabies. washing and wiping. mess and mayhem. it takes me three days to return a phone call. three weeks to write a blog post. i'm truly up to my neck in parenting. 

oscar is approaching four months now. i can feel myself being enveloped in that heavy cloak of fatigue.  i try and cling to the delicious baby details, but i know when i go to retrieve them later, they will mostly be lost in the fog. 

yesterday i found myself googling 'three children chaos.' i don't know what i was hoping to find. answers? help? solace? a smoother path through the storm? in some strange way though, i'm learning to embrace this chaos. the way we ricochet from one crazy moment to the next. then collapse in a heap. sometimes laughing, sometimes crying. how time and time again i find a whole new level of letting go.

life is intensely challenging and wonderful in equal parts. right now i crave personal space, time with my own thoughts, peace and quiet, a few minutes on my own. but i know that in the blink of an eye this chapter will be closed. i'll longingly look back and yearn for the baby sounds and smells and softness that fills my world right now. the funny things elliot says. aila's sweet innocence.

while this tornado continues to spin around me, my focus is on surviving each day. holding on and enjoying the wild ride and finding some space to savour the sweet moments too.    


  1. You are taking some amazingly beautiful photographs though!! Mia is seven and a half months now and I'm grateful to not feel that bone crushing fatigue. She is definitely putting a cramp in our evenings though sometimes waking every sleep cycle till I come to bed.

  2. I remember these days well. I never did well without proper sleep.

    Being a mom never ends. My children are all young adults ranging in age from 19-23. I am dealing with different issues. Two are in college and just left this past weekend. My daughter, the oldest, is moving to Harlem, NY this weekend. Like I said different issues. I do love when they are all home. It is nice to have "grown-up" children :) I miss having little ones in the home but maybe one day grandchildren will be in the mix.


  3. I read a really good article last year sometime that resonated when I read your post. Basically the author said, you can't always live 'carpe diem'. You can't always seize the day and cherish every moment. Sometimes you just have to get through the day. And sometimes, when you're dealing with squabbling kids while you are cleaning up with a poo explosion there isn't anything to cherish!!
    Wishing you some good sleep and crossing fingers my five month old decides to sleep through and that when he does, that my 2yr old also has a great sleep :-)
    Take care,

  4. The fog does lift and balance will be restored....just take little snippets of quiet when you can sneak them and here's hoping for some good solid sleep ....usually makes it all a little better. xx

  5. Rachel, you have such a lovely way with words and you describe the experience of these first few months so well. Embracing the chaos is the only way to go I think! These are the most stunning set of photos. Take care. Mel x

  6. This post is just beautiful... even among your feelings of chaos, you have managed to capture the beauty of such days of perfectly. Wishing you gentle days ahead xx


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